Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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