Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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