He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
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I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
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Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize