none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
