I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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