so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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