My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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