My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
