3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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