Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
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New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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