I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
