Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
