you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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