Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize