I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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