new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
