shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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