I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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