Apparently you make a good broom.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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