Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
