I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
