im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
