Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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