I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
