I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
