So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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