Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
