Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.