She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..