it hurts more in the daytime
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
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hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
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Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?