Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"

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(215): i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk" http://tfl.nu/65e9

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord

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(570): i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord http://tfl.nu/ym53

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(850): View more from Florida

ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of

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(850): ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of http://tfl.nu/f0gq

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(678): View more from Georgia

Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.

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(678): Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth. http://tfl.nu/wet5

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(812): View more from Indiana

if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation

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(812): if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation http://tfl.nu/uyko

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(714): View more from California

Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.

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(714): Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going. http://tfl.nu/dlhh

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(941): View more from Florida

Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.

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(941): Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches. http://tfl.nu/ctw0

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(404): View more from Georgia

Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?

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(404): Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right? http://tfl.nu/zhkv

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(775): View more from Nevada

She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.

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(775): She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo. http://tfl.nu/1nmk

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(602): View more from Arizona

Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)

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(602): Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...) http://tfl.nu/p4po

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(435): View more from Utah

Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night

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(435): Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night http://tfl.nu/xeqd

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me

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(402): Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me http://tfl.nu/m5ly

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(419): View more from Ohio

"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..

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(419): "drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again.. http://tfl.nu/1sfp

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(416): View more from Toronto

Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.

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(416): Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights. http://tfl.nu/9jzc

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(317): View more from Indiana

Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine

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(317): Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine http://tfl.nu/233e

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