This is evicking siegelnvs
This is fucking ridiculous*
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?