I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
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Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.