what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
