Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Quick, to the slutcave!
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
