So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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