Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
