Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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