Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
ok first of all what the fuck
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
