i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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