we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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