what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
