There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
