dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
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I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
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Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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