I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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