So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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