Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
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How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
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While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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