I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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