Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
