i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
