I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
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She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
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we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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