Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
