Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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