I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
whose parrot is this?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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