Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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