gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
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Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
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I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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