This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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