You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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