I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
