There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
