btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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