he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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