plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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