Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
