Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
