Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
